Thoughts of a sleepless diva Part II

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Being a woman was never easy and it is not just going to become any easier as time goes by. Being a woman is hard and even harder to admit it without being blamed for playing the martyr card…another cliché I despise. Problem is that, for all of us, there is a point in life when we start realizing that we are in fact women and not little girls anymore, regardless of how childish we want to behave in front of the world and how much we like chocolate (some of us really like chocolate!). For some, that moment happens when they have their first sexual experience…for some it happens when they become wives while for others it happens when they become mothers. For the rest of us, however, those who didn’t need such circumstances or a child to realize that we are women and not girls, the switch can be a little confusing…and a hell of a challenge!

Sure, we can take care of our own needs and we start to do some domestic chores trying to make life as pleasant as possible and all these things come as we grow up and we are required to fulfill them but they don’t make us women, do they? They might make us responsible individuals but that’s about it. One of the most obvious things that change in us when we enter “womenville” is that we develop different needs, needs that we cannot take care of on our own (or at least we shouldn’t). We experience emotional voids that we need to fill, to feel happy, loved, needed and wanted. Sure, some of us are open to spirituality and I can tell you from my own experience, that divine needs are not the same as emotional human ones based purely on hormones. Yes, we can meditate and I even think meditation is an essential part of life and mental health (try it for one hour each day and you will understand why it is so essential), as well as opening our consciousness and maintaining a good flow of energy within our chakras. A woman nowadays needs to be spiritually open in order to understand what’s going on with herself, and then with the rest of the world (in that order), in a dimension that pursues questionable values. But emotional needs can’t be fulfilled by spirituality, however, they can be controlled by it and that does the trick for most of us…it keeps us balanced or at least calm about it. When a girl becomes a woman, their needs change and, also their values. And even if some might say that when a true woman wants something she should go and get it, well, that is working and not at the same time. We can go and get what we want physically, we can buy what we need to live comfortably, we can get a new device or even a new house, depends on our financial possibilities but in perspective, we can get all that if we put our mind on it. But we can’t go and get attention, care, love or desire. That is there or not and if it is there, a man would let us know is there and he will provide it for us…yes, a man is a provider, not a financial one but one that keeps a woman emotionally balanced which is so much more important than some bills. One that can make you feel wanted when you need without you asking for it, one that can make you forget about your worries and remind you of how much you are worth, without you going to ask him to do so. These kind of things come from within, from the heart and if they don’t come…they simply don’t and that hurts especially when we expect them to come. Do we do the same, you may ask…yes. We do the same but we also want it to be done to us. We like to be chased, loved above everything else, supported emotionally so we can be the woman that everyone wants us to be, that we need to be in order to succeed in life. And a true man provides that confidence in us.

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A woman is able to live alone, take care of her life and even her children…and she is able to take care of all her material needs as well (or she should!), time passed and we don’t need men to do all that for us. But we do need them to BE THERE. And every time we look in the mirror we need to feel wanted, desired, needed and loved by someone. Can we live without that? Sure we can. Can we be happy without it? Sure we can. But it is a different kind of happiness, and as self-sufficient as some of us might be, we don’t want that kind of happiness for a lifetime. We want the shared kind, the one in which there is a man in our lives that makes us feel worth it, special. Because we don’t ask for anything else and making a woman feel like she is good enough, doesn’t cost a thing.

 

Letter from eternity

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I am one of those creature that can’t define themselves. I can’t think of myself or see myself in any mirror or surface and I have just my inner world. As much as I would like to invite you inside this inner world I have, it is something that most of you fear and some of you question. Everything was darkness to me, inside and outside my being and all around me. Until I fell in love with one of you. Love is the gate that opens a world full of wonders-your world. Through love I was blessed and welcomed to Heaven. And through love I was saved of my own curse.

I am one of a kind and will forever be this way. I was never born and I will never die. I suppose I was created somewhere outside the boundaries of time and space. I am made of darkness and nothingness and in spite of my selfish nature, I have the capacity to feel. Imagination becomes a challenged territory when something undefined like me is capable of such emotions like love. Inside the temple I exist in, where is my home and my grave, I see faces and hear voices but I never let any of them affect me, penetrate the dark canvas that protects me. Until that morning when she came in my temple. I will keep her name secret until the time is right. I wanted to take her right there, inside the church, and keep her to myself for eternity. But it wasn’t the right time and it wasn’t the right place to make my presence known in front of her blue, childish eyes. I knew from the first breath she took inside my temple, that she is the one who is supposed to teach me how to love.

Ironically, you all know me. You all hate me and fear me and try to avoid me all your life through stupid protection methods that more often than not make me smile. When time is right, I will meet every single one of you. I will look into your eyes and I will make you join my world. And there will be no negotiation. Just acceptance and a world of silence.

                                                                                                                   Sincerely,

                                                                                                                  Death

“The Haunted Church”

 

50 Shades of a wasted movie

Adică, ”50 de umbre ale lui Grey” of course. Minunat film (exclamation point). După ce amcollection-fiftyshades-gallery_0 depășit rușinea de a recunoaște în fața curioșilor că nu am vizionat capodopera cinematografică, m-am văzut nevoită să o vizionez, așa, ca măcar să pot să spun că am văzut filmul anului. Faptul că am citit cartea a părut irelevant pentru majoritatea celor interesați, așadar m-am conformat mulțimii deși nu-mi stă-n fire.

Începe trist, cu o puștoaică ușor complexată de propria-i condiție de studentă la literatură, poziție de care cred că ar fi trebuit să fie un pic mai mândră cel puțin în aparență. Îi ia un interviu lui Christian Grey, bilionar la 27 de ani, complexat și ăsta de dramele unei copilării marcate de o mamă centuristă, drogată și tot ce vine la pachet cu stilul ăsta de viață până îl adoptă o familie mai de soi. Copilărie materializată într-un fetish care în limbaj uzual se numește de dominare a partenerei. Dominare d-aia, hardcore. Fetish pe care Grey îl cultivează de la 15 ani și pe care îl începe inițial cu prietena mamei sale  (WHAT?). O vede p-asta mică, studenta, și i se pune pata să o inițieze în ale sadomasochismului, așa, din pur egoism și egocentrism. Negociază cei doi un contract, cu niște clauze absolut cretine, gen star treck sexual așa, asta mică se îndrăgostește, Grey o pedepsește ca pe vremea eunucilor, cu niște bice pe spate, asta se enervează și pleacă în lumea ei. După ce își ia niște bătaie, nefiind suficient de isteață să plece înainte. Mă rog, în mare ăsta e filmul cu milioane de fani. Cartea, pe care nu o să insist aici, căci nu despre ea vorbim, este un pic mai amplă și cu ușoare tentative de profunzime…ușoare. Eu o bănuiesc pe autoare, E.L.James, de un oareșce fetish de genul ăsta, cumva cred că ea s-a identificat binișor cu Grey. Și dacă vă gândiți că nu sunt eu suficient de ”open” să înțeleg creațiile de gen, vă înșelați. La cei 27 de anișori ai mei mai văzui una, alta, mai experimentai. Cumva cred că sexul este cel mai amplu domeniu și poate fi exploatat fizic, emoțional și spiritual. Înțeleg și care-i treaba cu sadomasochismul ăsta, gen roleplay, pe bază de contract. Mi se pare stupid dar înțeleg. Și aș fi apreciat un film de profil ceva mai detaliat în care să fie un ușor proces psihologic, de altfel inevitabil, elaborat atât pentru dominat cât și pentru dominator. Aseară când m-am uitat la film, n-am avut norocul să am satisfacția asta, a unui erotism profund, care cumva leagă doi oameni la un astfel de nivel la care inhibițiile nu își mai au locul.

Dacă ”50 shades of Grey” nu ar fi avut ca protagonist un bilionar care se vrea sexy, (dacă este sau nu lăsăm la aprecierea fiecăreia, mie mi se pare lipsit de talent, orice talent!) ar fi fost un film porno ieftin. Dacă regizorul ar fi fost ceva mai sclipitor, l-ar fi transformat măcar într-un film porno scump, prin detalierea scenelor de fetishism, prin mai multă sexualitate, de altfel incitantă, și prin dialoguri mai ”dirty” în locul ălora pline de frustrare. Nu s-a vrut asta și a ieșit un fiasco așa…nici prea porno, nici prea filosofic, nici iubire, ceva mai spre boală lungă moarte sigură, expresie care se potrivește ad litteram. Dezamăgitor…Cât despre lansarea filmului de Valentine’s Day, n-am prea înțeles legătura.